


Everyone Falls

by EmeraldWaves



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Canon, Drabble, Inspired by Fanart, Long Drabble, M/M, Viktor centric, minor made up viktor backstory lmao, so like canon au maybe idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 06:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10328366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldWaves/pseuds/EmeraldWaves
Summary: Presumably, Viktor had it all. Gold medals, fame, glory, the perfect dog. Everything he could’ve possibly wanted was right there, at his fingertips. Accessible and easy. Happiness should've been implied.





	

Somewhere along the way, Viktor Nikiforov had died. Not physically. No, his body still existed. He could move his hands, his legs; he could touch objects which were physically in front of him. His eyes saw things, and he logically processed it all. Moving forward, the days rushed by, yet he felt so stagnated.

Presumably, Viktor had it all. Gold medals, fame, glory, the perfect dog. Everything he could possibly want was right there, at his fingertips. Accessible and easy. Happiness should've been implied.

And yet, over the course of the past few year, he'd lost it; though he couldn't quite place his finger on what exactly.

As a child, his mother had been the one to introduce him to the sport, though she had only taken him for fun.

_"You're going to fall darling, but everyone falls, so don't give up!"_ He never forgot those words.

He'd been scared, staring at the rink in front of him. The ice was a stark white, glimmering against the lights hanging off the steel beams on the ceiling, and everyone seemed to move in unison, gliding together around in a circle. If Viktor had looked closer, he would've seen others clinging to the wall, beginners falling on their butts, but it was impossible to look away from the synchronized movement of the people circling around the middle.

His mother had tied his skates up, the laces tight around his small feet, and they crisscrossed way more than his sneakers at home did. The skates were an ugly tan color, but Viktor thought they were amazing.

Viktor had hobbled across the floor, stepping on the padded ground as he stumbled towards his mother. He was the tallest he'd ever been, and he'd never been prouder. His mother stepped out onto the ice, gliding ahead of him as she turned around gracefully, and crouched down, beckoning to him.

_Try and skate to me!_

The ice in the tiny rink had looked as though it went on for miles, never ending ice. It smelled cold, and with each breath he sucked in through his nose, the tip grew redder and redder. And there his mother had stood in front of him waiting for him to take his first step.

He remembered it perfectly. The way his foot had pressed against the solid ground, slipping forward, gliding against the frozen water. His body had propelled, far faster than he had expected it to. The cold pressing against his now red cheeks as the blade scraped against the glistening ice. And his mother, though right in front of him at first, had quickly disappeared, replaced by the lights glaring down into his pale blue eyes. He'd fallen, immediately. Only took one step.

His mother had fret, helping him up, and checking if he had hurt himself in anyway, but Victor was in love. He was in love with how his feet had felt against the ice, he was in love with the smell, and the melted ice flakes against his back. And above everything else, he wanted to be the best ice skater he could possibly be.

The ice became his home; it was the place Viktor had grown up. He'd begged his mother for lessons, and she'd happily agreed. His feet felt more comfortable raised off of the ground, slipping and scraping against the hard ice. Against the ground his legs felt heavy, like he was dragging every pound of his body against the hard earth.

It was there he had always felt free, his arms swaying through the air, his hair twirling around his body, and his legs felt light, as though he were floating. It was euphoric.

And as time went on Viktor Nikiforov became the best, just as he had always wanted to be. Medals upon medals were awarded to him, fans cheered for him, women and men threw themselves at him...and it was all because of ice skating.

He was happy. How could he not be? He was the best at the exact thing he had wanted.

But it didn't stop there. He choreographed his own programs, wanting to do anything in his power to surprise his audience. He wanted more, needed more. He yearned for the challenge, his love slipping through his fingers. But it didn't matter how different, or challenging his programs were, he completed them with ease, perfection even. What else was there for him? More medals were given, and he accepted them with the same smile as he always had. He was a living, ice skating legend. He was Viktor Nikiforov.

And yet, with each jump he landed, he grew more and more numb, the shock of the jump no longer giving him the pleasurable thrill when his blades returned to the ice. With each turn, he felt wisps of his spirit leaving his body, the strands of his hair weighing him down. He was heavy, and the more he searched for what it was he was missing, it felt like he was trapped under thick layers of ice, his lungs slowly filling up with water as he drowned in the darkness.

Routines became monotonous, over and over, day in day out. Viktor had always felt at home during his practices, a place he could experiment and grow, but lately he'd only wanted to run.

"That was perfect, Vitya, but your facial expression seemed off," Yakov had barked, folding his arms. "You're better than this. Do it again." Viktor could barely even hear Yakov, the sounds coming into his ears warbled, and he couldn't recall the sound of his skates against the ice either, as though his mind had blocked the noise from his memory all together.

Viktor's knees had smacked against the hard surface, and he clenched his hands together, squeezing them tight on his lap, the force of gravity pulling him closer to the ground. His heart felt tight in his chest, and the pressure made his ribs ache against his muscles.

For so long he'd been searching for something, needing to know what was missing. But as his heart clenched in his chest, he realized he'd lost his love, his passion. He'd grown numb.

Yakov sent him home early.

He took the scissors to his hair that night, chopping off every strand, watching as the long pieces fell to the floor. He was desperate to feel lighter. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, his blue eyes still looking lost, though with shorter hair he looked significantly older. Years of his life had passed by and he'd done such a fantastic job at ignoring gravity, he hadn't noticed his deteriorating happiness. Next to him, Makkachin whined, pushing against Viktor's leg.

"It's alright," he said softly, brushing his fingers over the dog's head. He threw away the pieces of hair he had chopped off, and made his way to the couch. His head was physically lighter, but he still felt dizzy. His apartment was darker than normal, and Viktor wasn't sure if he hadn't noticed it before, or if he was only noticing it now because it was a feeling he couldn't escape any longer. Makkachin snuggled up to Viktor, tucking his head under Viktor's chin, keeping him as warm as he could.

Viktor lost track of time, and his medals. Competitions came and went, and he excelled at all of them. He wondered if the judges simply scored him well because they expected him to win. They didn't seem to notice the missing spark.

He knew he had to find it again, and it was almost as if the universe wanted him to continue feeling lucky when he met Yuuri Katsuki.

The boy hadn't stuck out to him during the Grand Prix Finals--he'd come in last, and Viktor had watched, knowing the boy was projecting far too much of his nerves into his performance. But boy did he make an impression at the banquet.

Viktor had no idea how much Yuuri Katsuki had had to drink, but seeing him drunk was like seeing a completely different person. He was glowing, a smile on his red face as he stumbled about the room, his tie messy and his shirt open. He had begun to dance, a dance-off against Yuri Plisetsky in the junior division, and Viktor felt his heart race in his chest. It was a different feeling then the pressure he'd been used to. Instead of constricting thumps against his ribs, it was more gentle flutters.

Most would've said Yuuri Katsuki looked like a mess, but Viktor would've said he looked alive.

The small amount of alcohol in his own bloodstream began to boil, and before he could stop himself, Vitkor was dancing too. Twirling and jumping about on the dance floor, following Yuuri Katsuki as they moved together, faces gleaming with smiles. He felt light again, as though his body could've moved faster than it ever had, and he felt _happy_. Happier than when he stood on the podium holding his gold medal.

"Viktor~! Be my coach Viktor!" Yuuri begged, his body rubbing up against Viktor's. His cheeks were warm as he looked at the drunk boy, inviting him to his family's bathhouse in Japan. Viktor couldn't tell if Yuuri Katsuki was drunk or serious...or both. God how he wanted it to be both.

However, he wasn't surprised when Yuuri Katsuki ignored him the next day, and things began to feel just as they always had been. The banquet night had been somewhat of a dream. A moment in time where Viktor had felt the feelings which had made him addicted to ice skating in the first place.

It was then Viktor thought it might be best to take some time off.

It wasn't until a year later, when Viktor sat on his couch watching Yuuri Katsuki skate to his own program that he felt the feeling arise again. His heart fluttered, and his cheeks felt hot as though he had a fever. Was this Yuuri's way of reminding Viktor of his invitation?

Even if it wasn't, Viktor had to go to him.

Yuuri became more than Viktor could've ever imagined. Yuuri became Viktor's love. Perhaps it wasn't fair to place such a heavy burden onto the younger, but the more they worked together the more Viktor began to breathe again. He could hear the sounds of their skates when they practiced together, he could feel the rush when he helped Yuuri with his jumps. The breeze flowed through his hair, and his arms moved lightly around his body. He loved skating, he couldn't remember why he had forgotten.

Watching Yuuri brought even more pride to his being. Seeing him succeed was better than succeeding himself, Yuuri's victories were their victories, and even if it wasn't perfect one small improvement was enough for Viktor. Yuuri was incredible, and Viktor only wanted to help him see that in himself.

Viktor was a little selfish when it came to Yuuri. It was probably wrong to kiss him, being his coach and all; it was probably distracting. But he loved it too much. Yuuri's lips were soft, and often dry, but it only made Viktor wish to kiss him harder. He was addicted to the soft way Yuuri would whisper, "Viktor..." making every moment between them completely worth it.

Yuuri was precious to him, sweet, and genuine. Viktor loved him, loved how Yuuri worked so hard, and he loved how Yuuri made him love everything again. Skating, himself, everything. His bed was warmer, his chest was warmer, and once again he felt light, as though he were gliding atop the ice, no longer trapped beneath it. Yuuri made Viktor want to skate again, love again, live again.

And oh did Viktor love the golden sheen of the ring on Yuuri's finger.

Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri's stomach, resting his chin on Yuuri's shoulder. "Viktor," he mumbled. "I have to go help my mother with breakfast." They were in Japan for only a few more days before both were heading back to Russia to train together for the next season.

"Hmmm my Yuuri, you can stay in bed a bit longer," Viktor whined, nipping at the younger's shoulder.

"You know I can't," he chuckled, squeezing Viktor's fingers. "She'll be disappointed if I don't help, especially since I'll be leaving again for a long time."

Running his fingers over Yuuri's warm skin, Viktor sighed. "Alright, alright, you win." He let up on his grip, watching as Yuuri stood up, stretching, the muscles in his back rolling under his skin. Viktor was well familiar with those muscles now, he'd seen them used in many ways, on the ice, in the sheets, etc.

"I'll call for you when we're done," he yawned, the morning light from outside illuminating Yuuri's face. His cheeks curled into the perfect smile, and Viktor couldn't help but think Yuuri had to be his savior.

Leaning forward, he reached out and grabbed Yuuri's wrist, stopping him from leaving. "Yuuri," he said.

"Hm?" The dark-haired boy turned to face him, a gentle blush creeping onto his cheeks.

"I love you." It wasn't the first time Viktor had said it to Yuuri, but the words felt weighted this time, filled with pure love and gratitude, and a truthfulness Yuuri hadn't expected. His fiancé's face turned even redder, causing Viktor to smirk.

There was a moment of silence between them, and Viktor could feel Yuuri's hand tremble against his own. He knelt down, leaning in towards Viktor as he brushed their lips together, a soft but genuine kiss. "I love you too," he whispered, a soft sigh brushing against Viktor's lips as he ran his hand through Yuuri's hair.

Viktor had many things he loved now, many things he lived for--skating, his friends, his dog, but Yuuri was his favorite of them all. As he stared into the eyes of his fiancé, his mother’s words returned to him: 

_"You're going to fall darling, but everyone falls, so don't give up!"_

He had fallen, but Yuuri Katsuki had helped him get back up.

**Author's Note:**

> This drabble was inspired by [this amazing art](http://agaricals.tumblr.com/post/154639260102/if-you-dont-have-any-inspiration-left-youre-as). I saw it and the artist captioned it with "If you don’t have any inspiration left, you’re as good as dead". IDK i was really touched by it and this is the drabble that came from it! LOL It's kind of long and rambly, but hopefully people enjoy it!! Thank you to Adriana for beta-ing it for me as always! 
> 
> [emeraldwaves](http://emeraldwaves.tumblr.com/) is my tumblr or [musickazoo](https://twitter.com/musickazoo) is my twitter if you wanna hang out or chat and be friends!


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